In most relationships, one partner has more desire for closeness, while the other has more need for distance. Which one are you?
While all couples need autonomy and closeness, many couples struggle with the pursuer-distancer relationship dance and feel chronically dissatisfied with their degree of intimacy. A problem exists when the pattern of pursuing and distancing becomes ingrained because the behavior of one partner provokes and maintains the behavior of the other, according to marriage expert, Harriet Lerner Ph.
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The ways in which two people communicate says a lot about their own family of origin, their communication style, and because of those two factors how they attempt to resolve conflict. Sometimes the dance moves slowly and effortlessly; other times it leaves couples stuck.
A pursuer withdrawal relationship is characterized by a dynamic in which one partner asks for attention, communication, and participation from the other partner. When this occurs the second partner will typically interpret the needs as overwhelming and negative, and he will feel the need to withdraw or distance himself.
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